YEKETERINA CHERNENKO: User Guide and Manual
by 1Julivia
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! You have gone and purchased a YEKETERINA CHERNENKO unit to own under your roof! This is one of our sweeter and kindly units, so she is practically impossible to wake up by angering her. But just in case you don't want to go to your blue shaded, black vertical lined emo corner for feeling like garbage for not handling this rather fragile unit correctly, we've made i


_**Ka ha! I has this thang done you geis. I am soo tired right now it's not even funny! Keheheheheh... I'mmma be real lazy and not even incorperate proper grammer and spelling that's how bad its is. Maybe I'll be better by my next Cafetalia chapter with Canada.**_

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**YEKATERINA CHERNENKO: User Guide and Manual**

**CONGRATULATIONS! **You have gone and purchased a YEKETERINA CHERNENKO unit to own under your roof! This is one of our sweeter and kindly units, so she is practically impossible to wake up by angering her. But just in case you don't want to go to your blue shaded, black vertical lined emo corner for feeling like garbage for not handling this rather fragile unit correctly, we've made this manual to ease your guilt-ridden conscious.

Name: Yekaterina Chernenko. Will respond to "Ukraine", "Yekaterina", "Shtarsha sestra", "Older sister", "Farmer bumpkin", or "Mt. Tits", but please note that she will break down in tears at the last two.

Age: 20

Place of manufacture: Kyiv, Ukraine

Height: 5'7"

Weight: N/A. We think it's mostly all the junk in both trunks.

Sizing: 42G. Yep, that's as big as it gets.

**Your YEKETERINA CHERNENKO comes with the following accessories**

One (1) Standard size pitchfork

One (1) pair of denim overalls

One (1) white long sleeved blouse with spare button

One (1) Headband and bobby pin set

One (1) Mother Goose nursery book

**Programming**

Your YEKETERINA CHERNENKO is equipped with the following traits

Stand-in Mother: Your Unit is very protective, motherly, and a wonderful parental figure, so she's perfect for helping a lost child you may come across, or looking after infants when you don't know how. She is also able to produce milk if needed, so don't be shocked if she takes a maternal instinct when looking after a baby and starts to breastfeed when she senses that the infant needs nourishment. She also stands her ground when her pups are threatened, so this trait works in harmony with her _Formidable _mode. Take guard that she _can _and _will _make use of her pitchfork if any real threat is detected, so remember to give her a wide berth when you see it occurring.

Laborer: This isn't as cold-hearted as it sounds. Your YEKETERINA CHERNENKO is a very hard worker out in the sun, and this is the job she is the most comfortable with. But, because of her conditions, make sure to periodically give her breaks, for she tends to work harder than she should and not tell you about it.

Pre-School Teacher: Raising psychotic younger siblings was worth _something_. Your YEKETERINA CHERNENKO unit can look after toddlers and pre-school children with ease. Make sure they don't call her names.

Distraction: Guys are somewhat entirely simple-minded, as far as both genders know. So if you ever need a little more time, or are trying to avoid a conversation with a male or a male Unit, just whip out your YEKETERINA CHERNENKO and they will be stupefied! Try telling her that they called her names so she can guilt-trip them with her tears for good measure.

Blackmail: Her tears will make even the most thick-skinned person feel like a dirt bag. Use this to your advantage to get someone to do something, or use her as an excuse for them to stop.

**Removal of your YEKETERINA CHERNENKO from packaging**

To make unquestionably sure that you don't end up with you feeling like worthless scum for making your YEKETERINA CHERNENKO Unit cry, –believe us, you will feel terrible afterwards, even if it was unintentionally– we've made this list to establish that this won't happen.

1. Bring an ex-Soviet member or any other younger Unit or individual to call her to wake up now. She will immediately respond to any of the ex-Soviet members (as long as it is not NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA or IVAN BRAGINSKI) but also to the younger voice as well, preferably if it is a child asking for help. You may open her crate and let her talk as you reprogram her.

2. Play the 'Ukraine Has Not Yet Perished' anthem as loud as any of your sound systems will allow you to and she will cheer in her box, and then you can open the lid and reprogram her directly.

3. Boil fragrant crop vegetables like squash or pumpkin. The sharp scent will be enough to wake her up. She will comment how good it smells, and you can open the package and reprogram her.

4. Though it will be strange, get an alarm that sounds exactly like a rooster crowing and set it off. This will cause her to get worried and break out of her box frantically, she will then look around for work to do. As soon as she questions you about the tool shed, you may reprogram her from there.

**Reprogramming**

_Goofy (default)_

_Crybaby (default)_

_Motherly_

_Worker_

_Formidable (locked)_

_Self-Conflicted (locked)_

_Goofy_ and _Crybaby_ are her default modes, as she is often seen in either. She is prone to be over emotional in these modes and be a bit silly and clumsy as well. Because of her big heart and sensitive feelings, she is targeted often and can be taken advantage of timely. Keep a careful eye on her in these modes.

Her _Motherly_ mode is a slice of heaven. She will be very warm-hearted and caring and be able to take care of others and console those in need or in times of trouble. She also will bat away any romantic pursuing from other units to focus on assisting those around her as a mother figure.

In _Worker_ mode, she works hard and will more often than not attract the approving gazes of LUDWIG KALTHERZIG, the admiring gazes of RAIVIS GALANTE and LILLI VOGEL, or the support of ELIZAVETA HEDEVARY. IVAN BRAGINSKI and NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA will respect her a bit more and offer to help occasionally. To get her in this mode is quite simple; just introduce her to the yard that needs tending and where you keep your Dad or Mom's yard tools.

YEKETERINA CHERNENKO in _Formidable_ mode is as simple as the mode proclaims itself. She will be able to stand her ground to even her siblings. She is on par with the iron fist of ELIZAVETA HEDEVARY when she is dealing with GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT or any other Unit in their war-time modes. You have to get her angry over seeing someone else being treated unfairly. She will unlock into this mode fast if the victim is a child, LILLI VOGEL, or RAIVIS GALANTE.

It is known that YEKETERINA CHERNENKO has only two enemies in history, recent or not; IVAN BRAGINSKI, and herself. The worst of herself is brought out in _Self-Conflicted_ mode. In this setting, her behavior mirrors the political unrest that the country of Ukraine has with itself over government leaders and political movements. She will be bipolar and question her own actions in this mode and refuse to see her siblings or anyone else and be by herself to the corner or a wall and mark out the days that her people have been under protest of her boss's position. She will stare through windows or browse your family albums in depression. To break her out of this mode is _not_ an easy task, you will have to surround her with happy things and wait a few days for the clouds around her heart to fade away.

**Relationships with Other Units**

IVAN BRAGINSKI: Her relationship with this unit is a strained one, since she can't see her brother a lot even though she deeply cares for him. IVAN BRAGINSKI worries for her intermittently about her well-being and wonders when she, he and their younger sister can finally be together as a family once more.

NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA: These two units have a very strange relationship. On one hand, NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA despises her because she believes that YEKETERINA CHERNENKO is the only interference with her getting IVAN BRAGINSKI's affections. On the other, she still cares for her as a sister and will be the one most likely to massage her shoulders and back for her. No matter how YEKETERINA CHERNENKO apologizes, even for things that she isn't to blame for, the block will still be there, but it can soften with time.

RAIVIS GALANTE/TORIS LAURINAITIS/EDUARD VON BOCK: She is very friendly and protective over these three, perhaps more so in regards to RAIVIS GALANTE who is her favorite. A relationship could develop, but RAIVIS GALANTE believes he isn't enough of a man in strength and in stature to be able to be with your unit.

LILLI VOGEL: She is a dear friend of your unit, and they both spend time with ELIZAVETA HEDEVARY when they both have the time to chat.

ELIZAVETA HEDEVARY: A dear friend of your unit, and they both spend time with LILLI VOGEL as to either chat or shop. ELIZAVETA HEDEVARY will most likely tease YEKETERINA CHERNENKO of dresses from history that would showcase her breasts. Romance may come up between the three, if that's what you're wondering.

**Cleaning**

Your YEKETERINA CHERNENKO unit is able to clean herself up, but the muscle pains from her –ahem– "_tracts of land"_ will strain her from being able to wash her back. You may have to do it for her, and massage it along with her shoulders as well afterwards. Do not let any YONG SOO IM, GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT, FRANCIS BONNEFOIS, 2P!ALLAN C. JONES, 2P!LUTZ BEILSCHMIDT, or 2P!ROLAND EDELSTEIN Units do this.

**Feeding**

YEKETERINA CHERNEKO is able to cook for herself and will eat most foods you give her if there is not much else. If you need to watch your weight, however, try not to eat too much of her cooking and give her a sincere reason why. She is notorious for preparing, serving, and eating fatty foods but will politely turn down any and all junk food you try to give her.

**Rest**

She will fall asleep as soon as the sun sets, and wakes up a little after the dawn. This sleeping schedule is due to her farming background.

**Frequently Asked Questions**

Q: Okay, so I got this devil's spear thing with my Unit. What is it?

A: That would be the pitchfork sent with the Unit. We broach that you retread on your horticultural terminology and nomenclature before you engender equivocal surmises on how to succor this Unit.

Q: So why do I hear these annoying 'boom-boom' sounds coming from her boobs each time my unit takes a second step when she runs?

A: Don't be a hater just because yours don't exactly bring all the boys to the yard.

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: A FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit is pursuing (read: harassing) my YEKETERINA CHERNENKO unit and she can't fend him off! What do I do?

Solution: Calm your tracts of land. Even though she is at default a crybaby, she _can _defend others. Just tell her that FRANCIS BONNEFOIS has been harassing RAIVIS GALANTE or some other small child lately, and she will snap into _Formidable _mode faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot day in the middle of August. The pursuing (harassing) will cease, but the owner of the FRANCIS BONNEFOIS Unit will see him come back with a somewhat permanent set of three horizontal slash marks on his shoulder and a black eye.

Problem: Okay so, my Unit says not just her shoulders and back, but her boobs are hurting for a massage too. And I'm a guy. What do I do, should I go for it?

Solutions: Go for it. Or if you want to see shojou ai, get either a NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA unit, ELIZAVETA HEDEVARY, LILLI VOGEL, Nyo!JULCHEN BEILSMIDT, or Nyo!SOPHIE EDELSTEIN to do it.

**End Notes**

With a plentiful supply of tissue boxes, and a love for defendant motherly types, you'll be sure to have a wonderful companion of your YEKETERINA CHERNENKO unit!

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_**It was really fun writing this I gotta say. I love Ukraine to bits and bites! XD I would love to have her as a unit, she can be my new mama and read me Ukrainian fairytales at bedtime! That would be heaven.**_


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